Jesus, Take the Wheel!!!
Man: God, how long is a million years to you?
God: Only a minute
Man: How much money is a million dollars to you?
God: Only a penny
Man: Can I have a million dollars?
God: Sure, wait a minute.
My mother, who was born at the Holy Name of Jesus Hospital in Gadsden, Alabama and who has a southern accent so thick and incomprehensible that even southerners can’t figure out what she’s saying, has a tendency to blurt out the phrase “LORRRRD HEPPP!” in moments of tremendous astonishment. My sisters and I think this is so hilarious that we often call her up with shocking information just to hear her say it. I’ll eagerly ring her up and say “Mom, my friend Stephanie is getting married on Saturday to a seven-foot tall transvestite named Amanda Hugandkiss and get this - Amanda is a minister at the Pentecostal church.” to which my mother will reply, at top volume, so you have to hold the phone a yard away from your ear to avoid being deafened: “LORRRRRRD HEPPPPPP!!!!!”
